Tag Archives: learning

dating advice if you have reached a “certain” age

21 Jan

If you have a reached a “certain” age, and are still not in a long term or committed relationship, here are some things you can try. Oh, and if you are wondering what a “certain” age is, then let me tell you, only you know the number. If you feel you have been single (or single-again) long enough, then it is your “certain” age. If you are still happy being single, then you have not reached the “certain” age. No one else can determine that for you.

Meeting: Go out and meet people. Do things you love, and do things that most folks of the opposite gender love. There are plenty of online groups like meetup etc., where you can find such events being organized. Join online dating web-sites. Let your friends and family know you are looking to meet people. Accept invitations, dates, setups etc. You have to put yourself out there and meet people. There is no substitute for that. Set-up/introduce your other single friends if you meet someone not right for you, but may be right for them. You never know, someone may be so happy that they might actually return the favor 🙂

Weeding: Let people know upfront that you are looking for a steady, long term, committed relationship. That will weed out most of the folks who are looking for a casual fling, are still “window shopping”, or simply not ready to give-up their singledom. Don’t worry, you are not losing potential mates, you are only losing the time-wasting distractors. You would be surprised how many there are!

Staying put: Once you have met someone interesting, who catches your fancy, and is also looking for a long term steady relationship, then commit to them. That does not mean you start making declarations of ever-lasting love, but it means, commit to them in your mind that you will see this relationship through with a sincere and honest effort. Spend time with them, and genuinely get to know them. Stop playing games. Return messages and calls as soon as you are able. Ensure you spend time talking to them over the phone, if not in person, on a regular basis. Do not “keep your options open” or date multiple people at the same time. You are old enough to know what’s out there, and what you can get. If you are unsure, and still want to keep your options open, either you have not reached the “certain” age, or you are seeing red flags and this person is not right for you. Next!

Taking it slow: Go slow if you must, but understand what that means. It does not mean you create artificial communication gaps – returning calls with text, waiting 2 days after a great date to message back, and so on. It means, do not get engaged or married in a hurry because you can’t wait to have kids (or whatever your reason is). It means, do not jump into bed even before you know if you can spend an entire day or a weekend with them without wishing at least one of you were dead 😛 Take your time on physical intimacy and life-changing commitments, but do move at a natural pace to really get to know the person and see if you enjoy their company. If you feel like calling, call. If you feel like asking them out, then do so. Make sure you get an enthusiastic response from them every time you reach out, or you give them an enthusiastic response when they reach out to you. Make them feel special, and also see if they make you feel special as well. That way, you won’t be chasing someone who is not interested in you.

Dealing with issues: And certainly take it slow when you run into issues, do not run for the door. You can break-up any time, but really put in your best effort before you call it quits. Think about the issues, and try to resolve them with mature dialogue and discussion. (Unless you both are addicted to feelings of anger and drama, and enjoy the fights. In that case, all bets are off 🙂 ). Ask for advice from folks who are in long term committed relationships, talk to therapists if that might help. If your partner refuses to go, you can go alone. They are most likely to tell you examples of how to make things work, rather than the standard advice of “plenty of fish”. And most important, bring-up all issues and concerns with your partner directly. Do NOT use middlemen (or middle women) to convey messages. If you can’t have a direct dialogue with your partner, that is cause for concern. Either you need to get more assertive and speak-up, or tone yourself down so your partner feels safe in speaking-up.

Keeping yourself inspired: Read stories about long term relationships, how they met, and talk to your own family and friends of how they faced challenges in life. Such stories are inspiring and help develop a problem-solving attitude, rather than encouraging to take the easy exit. And if you believe in the Laws of Attraction, then it will bring in more positive energy in your life.

I hope some of these ideas help. If you have any more to share, I would love to hear from you!

 

teens kill out of boredom: summer vacations are too long

22 Aug

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162-57599336-504083/christopher-lane-australian-baseball-player-killed-by-bored-okla-teens-police-say/

I read the above news article, and it brought out two of my pet peeves. Summer vacations are too long, and guns are too easy to access.

People, and especially teens, need to be busy. Idle minds with no direction don’t often do much good. Summer vacations in America are way too long. They probably made sense in the days of one-room school houses, when kids were pulled into farms, with adult supervision, during the summer harvest time. In Urban settings, there are no farms to work on. Adults are often busy, with both parents needing to work full-time. Summer jobs are scarce due to the poor economy. That leaves teens with all the time and energy on their hands, with no supervision/direction, and nothing to do.

In addition, there has been a steady decline in mentoring for the upcoming generations. In some parts of the world, there are  religion-independent “moral science” classes, which teach students about general moral/social behaviors – values like kindness, refraining from lying or cheating, and certainly, the sanctity of life.

With the long summer vacations, kids take longer time to get back into routine of learning and studying. Their learning days are cut short and they have a harder time keeping-up with the curriculum. As students begin to get frustrated and fail, the curriculum gets “dumbed-down”. This actually leads to minds not being challenged enough, and more feelings of inadequacy as they grow.

Schools need to be in session for longer periods of time. Instead of one big chunk of 8-9 weeks’ vacation, allow them shorter, more frequent vacations. Giving them more time to learn the materials at a steady pace would help bring-up their scores, and enjoy learning. They would be supervised for longer periods of time, and vacations would be just short enough to allow minds to rest before they start getting bored and seeking trouble. Addition of Moral Science classes, or some other equivalents, would provide guidance to teens who lack appropriate mentoring.

Take the poll, share what you think:

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