Tag Archives: Advice

how Not to get friend-zoned

22 Aug

My new friend noahzukowski posted a blog about guys being friend-zoned here http://noahzukowski.wordpress.com/2013/08/19/ladder-theory-the-ever-accursed-friend-zone/  That inspired some thoughts today.

I believe, you can move from being a great friend  to a potential mate “when you become more attractive as a mate than you are as a friend”. If she already likes you as a friend, chances are, she is willing to spend time with you and is not repelled by you. So, how do you get her to see you in a different light? Here are some ideas and tips. Try them out and let me know if they worked for you.

Act like a guy looking for a relationship. With her.

Don’t just “hang”, ask her out on an evening date. Plan something nice.  A place with good ambiance, where she will naturally have to  dress-up. Dress-up well yourself, too. Open doors for her. Talk about fun things. Flirt with her. Then take her to a naturally quiet place like by the seaside or a lake, watching the stars and the moon. And then, just once, towards the end, have a really intense moment with her when everything becomes really quiet, and its just the two of you.

Don’t let her talk about ex-boyfriends or other guys that are interested in her. Don’t give her advice how to deal with other men. Allow your mild jealously to show-up. No, don’t be controlling, but let her know you would rather talk about the two of you than any third wheel.

Take-on some “male” roles in her life. See where she needs help and offer your expertise there. Some ideas are to offer to pick her up and drive every time you have to go somewhere. Fix small things around her apartment. Help her figure-out her finances, Or whatever else you are good at, and she could use the help.

Enlist her help with some traditional “female” roles in your life. See what she is good at, and ask her help there. It could be to help you set-up your apartment, buy clothes for yourself, advice with kids/nieces/nephews, recipes for cooking etc.

Buy her flowers and chocolates. And when she asks, don’t say they are “just like that”, or “because you are a good friend” or “you did x for me”. Tell her you got them because you thought she might like them, or that you like to see her smile, or something like that.

Compliment her when she looks nice. Make sure she knows its a compliment coming from a guy, not “a friend”. For example, don’t say the dress looks good on her, or her new hairstyle is nice. That would be giving her advice as a friend.Tell her something like “Wow! You’re looking good”, like a guy who loves how she looks, regardless of details like her dress or makeup.

All the while, keep flirting and letting her know you want to cross your platonic boundaries. As a potential mate, you need to let her see you as a “provider and a partner”, and not just as a “nice person”.

Good luck!

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